Max Clifford Was Simon Cowell's Boyfriend Shock Possibility

Funny story written by Ron Smith

Thursday, 9 July 2009


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A Leaking Tap

Max Clifford who rose to fame as Frank Sinatra's door opener in the 1960's was, "shocked, stunned and sickened" by The News Of The World's underhand methods of data gathering by using phone-taps.

"I would personally have used genital electrode or water-boarding torture techniques", he said.

Transcripts from Clifford's conversations with his clientele were made public by the paper and include hours of conversations between Clifford and his then boyfriend Simon Cowell.

At one point, Max Factor judge Cowell - in tears - says:

"I love you Max but what if someone finds out we're both faggots, we'd both be fucked (at this point he giggles). Let's pretend I am a sex maniac with OMG I can't believe I'm saying this (he pauses for a long time) women, yuck, and you could place loads of crap stories in the press about my string of stunning girlfriends. You could fake that you're a really nice guy and family man. How about it honey?"

Max Clifford just replies "Fuck off!".

Clifford built his career on the back of other people's misery and used his seedy gutter knowledge to blackmail leading figures in society such as Freddie Starr - who never ate a hamster, but was demonised by Clifford for doing so. He has also influenced public opinion to such a degree that he may even have changed the course of history as seen recently when he famously murdered Jade Goody to 'make himself look big'.

A source close to celebrities said, "they are all very frightened and not very intelligent."

'Victims' of a the phone-tapping scandal include celebrities such as John Prescott and possibly other people such as an unknown person identified only as 'Lenny Henry'.

Clifford refused to comment, but stated that he was going to "break some hearts, some careers and a lot of legs."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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