Visa Checks "Total Disaster" Say Tories

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Saturday, 4 July 2009

image for Visa Checks "Total Disaster" Say Tories
"Your Papers Are In Order"

Visa checks carried out by the UKBA are a total disaster. This is the verdict of Chris Greything, Shadow Minister for Immigration Type Matters. "There are just two blokes in a shed in Shrewsbury. They are having to check 100 million applications from Afghanistan and Pakistan every day, apart from Wednesday, when they go shopping. How on earth can they be expected to check these applications properly?"

The Government has responded by rejecting these claims. Phil Woolly, Minister for Fiddling Immigration Figures, said "This is total nonsense. The applications are not checked by two blokes in a shed in Shrewsbury. The shed is in Kidderminster. And there are three of them. So the Tories' numbers don't add up yet again. We take every visa application seriously. we carry out stringent checks to make sure that we milk as much cash out of the system as we possibly can."

The caught up with one of the men in the shed. Geoff Cook has been an entry clearance officer for 25 minutes. "We check the applications very carefully. If there is a pile of cash in the envelope we process the visa immediately. This is a serious business. The UKBA is a well run organisation" he said as he was loaded in to the back of the ambulance.

Lunar House is in Croydon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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