English failures at major sports highlighted by the shameful defeat of Dutch National Cricket team (who!), whatever next?!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

image for English failures at major sports highlighted by the shameful defeat of Dutch National Cricket team (who!), whatever next?!
Dutch wicketkeeper (Aussie Import) stands paralysed as the English cricketers fuck it up completely!

A series of catastrophic failures and defeats in a never ending sequence of ineptitude continues to dog British sports, ultimating in a shameful defeat by Holland (who? Do they play cricket anyway?!).

Newly appointed Sports Minister Skoob 1999 has just shot himself. Prime minister, Scottish tosser and never bowled a fast one in his life, Gordon "leg over wicket" Brown, has expressed his disgust and has demanded that all Scots should be issued separate passports!

Qualifiers, Ireland, drowned in their Guinness at hearing the result and duly qualified without problems, but with a massive hangover, drunken bunch of Paddies!

This horrific result mirrors the lack of success of our overpaid superstars in major sports, Football, Tennis, Rugby, Athletics, all without any recent significant successes.

We English are pretty good at bowls, darts (sometimes), fox hunting, dog racing, Pitbull fighting, marbles, hooliganism, kicking OAP's, etc, but who really gives a fuck? (maybe the local police!)

The rest of the world cynically look at the English Premier League and know that without foreign participation and Sky mega bucks, that would be a mega-loser too!

A great Scottish hope is on his way to at least, maybe book a bit of success Made in Scot(Britain)land, wiping the pathetic memories of our No1 failure machines, Tim "lost his balls" Henman and that other "TRUE BRIT" Rusedski!

We English can only live in hope that the Dutch fuck off back to their tiny, flat, land, continue to send us other surprises in the form of certain green leaves and never ever send their glorious cricket team back to England to smack the mighty egos of our fab English losers.

The English are now desperately waiting for Liechtenstein to thrash Germany at footy, dream on, the chances of that happening are the same as England winning the WC in Zuid Afrika! Jaggedone is taking bets at 5000/1!!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more