British people vote with their eggs

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

image for British people vote with their eggs
'Get yer eggs 'ere! Make the BNP look like the clowns they are!'

As vile, embarrassing BNP leader Nick Griffin attempted to act as if he is a real political leader, and has anything to do with 99.9% of the British people's views and attitudes, he received that ultimate British political sign of being despised, and was pelted with eggs outside the Houses of Parliament.

'The irony that such a pathetic character wasn't allowed into Parliament was, of course, lost on Mr Griffin', Conservative and Unionist MP Sir Reginald Perrin said, 'and whereas in other countries the message would have been said with stones, or even bullets, the ever-tolerant British people - the most tolerant people in the world - say it with eggs. Makes sure the recipient doesn't get away with looking like a victim, but looks like what he really is - a laughing stock!'

Despite the BNP's attempts to seem menacing and tough, something which millions of non-English British people find funny, especially the Scots and Northern Irish, the BNP leader should maybe start dressing in a clown's uniform. He looks like a clown, talks like a clown, and is a downright embarrassment to tens of millions of 'white' British people.

When the National Front became a genuine menace in the late 1970s and early 80s, the people, not the politicians, turned out at every one of their marches to try and prevent them from happening, and, of course, with such intolerant, violent lowlifes as all fascists are being involved, that led to mass battles being fought across the streets of England.

And the eventual destruction of the National Front. The BNP are tiny compared to the NF, and a media invention - the Save The Blackbirds and Starlings Party in Harwich gets more votes than they do.

Funny how the BNP, a supposedly 'British' political party, never set foot in parts of Britain like Scotland, isn't it? In Glasgow there are hundreds of Orange marches there every year, leading to hundreds, sometimes thousands of arrests, in probably the most violent city in the Western world.

Hmm, wonder how long the BNP would last if they tried a march there? To half the population of that city the Union Jack is an insult, as it is to 100% of the population of Scotland outside Glasgow, and there's a large Asian community there too. Two seconds is how long the BNP would last.

The British National Party. 'British'? Nope, there are no such people as the British, it's shorthand for Scots, English, Welsh and Cornish, plus thousands, maybe millions of quite welcome newcomers from all across the world.

'National'? The Scots and Welsh hate the English and vice versa, Northern Englanders despise the Southern ones, and no-one knows what to think of the Northern Irish. 'Party'? A one-man band, invented by the press.

BNP. Bollocks Not Politics.

There'll be plenty more eggs coming your way in England, Mr Griffin, and try crossing the border into Scotland and see what happens. There's plenty of nice big hospitals there, I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more