GSTAAD, Switzerland - Famed songstress, Julie Andrews has offered to give Susan Boyle free lessons in swearing.
"Contrary to popular public opinion, including some publicity seeking psychologists, Susan Boyle is not having a breakdown. She is merely developing a side of her personality that, to a great extent, has not been exercised," Ms. Andrews stated.
"Along with developing one's music skills, one must also, in this business, be able to swear like a sailor. It comes with the territory. Luckily Susan seems to be a natural at both singing and swearing."
"I, for one, have been in this business for longer than I can remember and, trust me, a well-developed vocabulary of colourful invectives comes in very handy, not only as a way of alleviating stress, but being able to handle the next journalist prick who would like to get in your face, so sod off you stupid, cloying git before I press your Tommy Rollicks with my panini maker."