Written by The SSaint

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

image for Welcome to the Jeremy Clarkson regime!
Jeremy Clarkson

In a thrilling contest at the polls, Jeremy Clarkson's Petrolhead Party, slammed Gordon Brown's ruling Labour Party at the polls yesterday, meaning that Clarkson now officially takes over as Prime Minister of Great Britain.

In his first act as Prime Minister, Clarkson outlawed the use of any caravan and panel van, claiming that these vehicles signifies all that is bad in Britain at the moment.

Mr. Clarkson commented, that more change was to come, and that, even though the average American weighs more than a squadron of British Soldiers, Britain will no longer partake in the gluttony that is the United States.

In an unprecedented move, Clarkson has already cleared the cabinet and made some thought provoking appointments in his new ministry.

Minister of Justice - Simon Cowell

Clarkson explained that criminals get away with anything these days, and as a result, Mr. Cowell is appointed to ensure, that even though they may not be sent to jail, they will be ridiculed in court, up to a point where they may lose it, and as a result, lose their freedom.

Minister of Public Transport - James May

Clarkson mentioned that Public Transport wasn't a well thought through idea. And that James May, is just the man, to think it through, and while he does this, (which could take forever) Public Transport is off the road, as it is supposed to be.

Minister of Foreign Affairs - Gordon Brown

In a surprise move, Clarkson has decided to keep Mr. Brown in the cabinet. He claims that, seeing as Mr. Brown is so deeply in love with everything that doesn't involve ruling Britain, he might as well, stay overseas.

Mr. Clarkson was overheard speaking to his new Deputy Prime Minister, Richard Hammond yesterday, saying that "I have a great idea, meet me in Westminster Abby, bring some Duct Tape, an old mop, three lollipops, some cold soup and pair of tweasers."

This reporter know what he is planning, but I cannot wait to find out. Long live the Clarkson!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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