Ronnie Biggs Waterboarding Denied

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 23 April 2009


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PO Gunt earlier

Great Train robber, Ronnie Biggs, is at the centre of a new controversy this morning, after prison staff at the establishment where he is completing his 30-year sentence, denied claims from local residents that he had been the recipient of Waterboarding.

Officers at HMP Norwich said the story was:

"totally untrue".

Biggs was part of a 15-man gang that attacked a mail train at Ledburn, Buckinghamshire in August 1963, a raid that netted them more than £2.6m.

That was a lot of money at the time.

Initially captured, Biggs spent 15 months in Wandsworth jail before escaping in a furniture van. He fled to Spain, Australia and then Brazil, where he shagged women like there was no tomorrow, and met the Sex Pistols, with whom he recorded a hit single.

He returned to the UK to take the piss in 2001, and has, since then, been living in Norwich, where the nearby beautiful Norfolk Broads afford amateur sailors, wildlife enthusiasts and other pleasure-seekers alike, ample opportunity to indulge in their varied interests in the tranquil surroundings, undisturbed by people like Ronnie.

Principal Officer Albert Gunt, at the jail, said:

"The suggestion is preposterous! We don't permit Waterboarding in Her Majesty's prisons. There's not even a swimming pool at this jail, let alone a convenient lake!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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