Written by Bob Muppet

Monday, 4 March 2002

image for Jerry Springer kills the Roswell Aliens
Can't hide truth.

We shall never know all the sinister details of the 'Roswell Aliens Cover-up'. One irrefutable fact, however, is that the surviving aliens went to live in England until March 2002 when they were 'killed' by none other than the celebrated Jerry Springer!

This then is the story of the aliens, from the time of their capture, following the crash of their spaceship, until their premature death at the hands of Jerry!

It is a story of cover-ups and intrigue that match any leading work of fiction!


Top Secret documents released by the British and American governments under the 50 years secrecy rules; give a clearer insight into the Roswell Alien Incident!

It appears that an alien spacecraft, with a crew totalling twenty, crashed in the lonely New Mexico plains on July 1947.

Because of political pressures at home, the American government decided to transfer the twelve surviving aliens and their spacecraft, to one of their 'safe' military bases abroad.

The base chosen was U.S.A.F. Burtonwood, which was a large World War II airfield, located near Liverpool, in the United Kingdom. The base had adequate medical facilities to enable top American and British scientists to carry out tests to determine the biological make up of the aliens.

What was more significant, however, was the state-of-the- art technical facilities on the base, which enabled the engineers to examine the alien spacecraft and all the complex onboard equipment!

This period, at the end of W.W. II, was notorious for the frequent spotting of U.F.O's and it is now clear that the sightings were associated with the aliens demonstrating the workings of their spacecraft, to the Burtonwood engineers.

The released 'secret papers' also detail the technical information gained from the aliens, which led to the development of the microchip and consequently all the computer based equipment that we now take for granted.

Under the skilled supervision of linguistic experts, the aliens quickly mastered the English language, although at the time, nobody realised that this would ultimately lead to their premature deaths!

In the early days, the aliens cooperated with their captors, and were given a television set as a reward.

This proved to be a grave error because the aliens gradually gave up doing any work and would spend all their time glued to the box!

And what fun the T.V. programmes were in the fifties, sixties, seventies and eighties!

The aliens did nothing whatsoever for forty years, except drink beer, eat junk food, watch T.V and have a ball!

However, things began to change drastically in the nineties.

Instead of exciting T.V. programmes, the producers started to show programmes about trashing furniture - some 'expert' would take a perfectly adequate desk or chair and make it look like rubbish.

This idea was to prove a roaring success and the same format was extended to trashing rooms, trashing gardens, trashing clothes in fact trashing anything!

Eventually all T.V. programmes were the same boring stuff.

But then a producer had the ultimate idea for a T.V. programme! ----'WHY DON'T WE TRASH PEOPLE!'

The idea was an instant success and soon every T.V. programme was about humiliating sad and useless members of society!

By the start of the new millennium, the aliens were becoming increasingly depressed by the never-ending diet of 'people trashing programmes'

The aliens last day started pretty much like any other day.

They watched Kilroy, followed by Tricia, Denise, Montel, Ester,Oprah, Richard and Judy, and finally, to cap it all came Jerry!

Throughout the entire day there was a never-ending procession of hopeless, inadequate, confused people being humiliated by talent less presenters.

Therefore, to the chanting of the mindless morons in Jerry's studio audience, the aliens decided that life was no longer worth living.

To the accompaniment of 'Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!, the aliens gently drifted away.

So long Jerry!

So long cruel world!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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