Written by Bob Muppet

Monday, 11 February 2002

image for Galaxy Hopping Aliens need your used chewing

The two leading charities dedicated to supporting our alien communities launched a desperate appeal, yesterday, for used chewing gum.

A spokesperson for the charities 'Help the Aliens' and 'Alien Aid' explained the dire plight of our extra terrestrial visitors who find themselves trapped on planet earth and how the used chewing gum will help them to return to their distant worlds.

"Most people think that aliens are skilled space travellers, but the truth is that they are often totally incompetent!", explained Prince, the alien previously known as '**!^^+#'.

Consequently, they often get lost in space and find themselves trapped on foreign planets. Once trapped, the aliens have to communicate with their fellow travellers, to rescue them and the preferred method of making contact usually involves the use of large, complex geometric shapes laid out on the ground.

"The nice people on Earth are familiar with these space beacons and naively refer to them as crop circles!", explained Prince.

Prince went on to relate the sorry tale of how he got stuck on planet Earth.

"I used to fly the spaceship, but I crashed in England because I am a crap pilot".

"Now the rest of the crew blame me and have made it my mission to get us off planet Earth!" sobbed Prince.

"It used to be easy to set up the crop circles, but since the 'foot and mouth' outbreak, you can't get near a field without being arrested by the police."

"I worked out an alternative method, using Wrigley's, to set up chewing gum circles on the pavement outside McDonald's fast food outlets". (See archive story June 2001 titled Mystery Chewing Gum Circles)

"For a while all went well, but suddenly the stupid council workers started steam cleaning my beautiful beacons from off the pavement!"

"I just couldn't believe how stupid the Earthlings were behaving! Did they think the chewing gum was there because people spat it out before going for a Big Mac?"

So please support Prince and his stranded crew by sending in your used chewing gum. Give them a chance to make their galactic distress beacons --go on --yes go on --please?

And remember to look at the pavement outside your fast food outlet the next time you go for a burger, -----chances are that Prince has left one of his mysterious chewing gum circles for you to marvel at!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Aliens, Gum

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