Written by vlad1m1r

Sunday, 22 March 2009

image for IS the Bird the word? National Enquiry launched
No 10 "morally certain" that the bird is indeed the word.

Yesterday evening Prime Minister Gordon Brown approved funding for a 6 year survey at a cost of nearly 2 billion British Pounds to the tax payer to investigate the possibility of the bird being the word.

The government hopes to show definitively for the first time that the bird is indeed at least equal to or greater than the word. The proposed research into the "Bird question" as some academics have called it, was instigated at the insistence of prominent physicist Stevie Hawkman who's award winning book, "The History of Everything according to me trust me I'm a genius" deals with this age old issue which has baffled both scholars and scientists alike for centuries:

"The Gospel according to John states clearly that in the beginning there was indeed 'the word'. If one imagines the Universe at its inception as an infinitely condensed yet infinitely energetic point one can see its limitless potential. We are not sure exactly what caused that fatal cascade, the first fall of that quantum line of dominoes which caused the beginning of all creation we know as the word. I for one am quite open to the possibility that this is, was and shall be the bird." (Copyright : Stevie Hawkman.)

Outside scientific circles philosophers and theologists have been debating the Bird question for centuries, it is even referenced in "The moste illuminating and ponderosa texts" of medieval scholar Tommy Aquilus:

"Should the goode Lorde see fit, I shall now expunge upon the question that is known chiefly as the birde. Namely is it THE word or merely a word? The foole hath said in his heart 'there is no bird' and yet howe else do we give accout for the marrvellous taile of an horse which swiseth verily to keep away the vile fly and the tastey goodnesse of quaker porridge, composyed of three various varieties of quakers? Hold ye fast to this notion for sooth indeed the word beith the bird."

The announcement however was met with scepticism from noted Teleatheist Ricky Hawkins:

"The whole premise of this research into the bird supposedly being the word is false. It is an argument based on personal incredulity, simply because you can't think of anything else for the bird to be, it does not logically follow that it is indeed the word. I suspect very much this thinking is based on a western Juedo Christian perspective, what we have to appreciate is that there have been aboriginal cultures around the world each with their own unique insight into whether the bird is indeed the word, some believe the word to be several types of birds, some believe the word to be something different altogether!"

One thing is for certain, there will be no easy answers.

Do YOU know about the bird? Everybody's heard about the bird, so please feel free to get in touch with your own news and views.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Birds

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