Local Councils to use Premier League pitches as rubbish tips

Funny story written by tennisman

Sunday, 15 March 2009

image for Local Councils to use Premier League pitches as rubbish tips
Bins about to be emptied onto the pitch at the Reebok today

We all know that the nation faces a rubbish problem. Landfills are at capacity and the amount of rubbish we all produce is at an all time high. But 2 local councils have got creative and may have solved the problem. Viewers of tonight's MOTD and the management of MacDonalds U.K. breathed a sigh of relief as first hand evidence of a new outlet for the nation's rubbish became apparent.

Sunderland and Bolton Councils have struck deals with their local Premier League Clubs to use their pitches to dump excess rubbish form their borough's residents. The new dumping deal looks like a win/win situation if today's games are anything to go by. It appeared that players and officials alike were able to get on with their respective matches as if the pitches were free of rubbish, even though everything from paper bags to coffee cups and Pukka Pies wrappers blew across the turf at the Stadium of Light and the Reebok Stadium.

Mo Money, the Premier League's Head of Hype was adament that this new local council link was a positive step. 'We're accused all the time of only being concerned about cash at the Premier League', he said. 'Yes, we are getting a cut from the council for renting a few bits of turf for the rubbish, but I can confirm that the Premier League is completely commited to the green agenda. Just look at how many of the goalies wear green jerseys.'

Gordon Taylor, Head of the PFA denied that excess rubbish on pitches would become a restraint of trade for his players. 'Players have to change with the times. I remember when I was a player at Birmingham, the management agreed to have mud put on the pitch at St. Andrews and we had to come to terms with it. I don't see that this situation with the rubbish is any different. After all, the players skills have improved so much. Remember how the Manchester City defenders couldn't tell the difference between those ballons from the match ball just a couple of years ago? You wouldn't see that now. Bring on the trash!'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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