The Police investigating the death of a young man in Michael Barrymore's swimming pool have returned a wrist watch to the former television star. It is thought that the police located the watch during a thorough search of the dead body.
Barrymore is said to be very relieved that his watch has turned up. "It went missing on the night of the party. It isn't water resistant, but luckily it was tucked away somewhere very safe.....and tight."
Police are mystified as to how the watch came to be in Stephen Luvcock's rectum. They are working on the theory that he may have attempted to steal the watch, but drowned making his getaway attempt.
Police are still investigating the cause of death. Inspector Terry Wogan said "We have noticed that the deceased had an arsehole like a clown's pocket. We are currently looking into it."
Mr Barrymore has denied having any involvement in Mr Luvcock's death. "I categorically deny any wrong doing. All I know is that he had a Hot Spot, was 'awright at the back' and was found dead in my swimming pool after being violently buggered by an assortment of objects. How could I possibly know anything more?"
The Police have come in for criticism for their failure to investigate properly. Not so, they say. "It has been very difficult to locate any of the items. Some were very deep indeed."
Spoof editors have been concerned that some of these Barrymore stories might be too near the knuckle.
