Written by Pquinn441

Thursday, 19 February 2009

image for Seamus Heaney Revealed!
Controversial Writer

Irish poet and writer, Seamus Heaney has been let down by the home team today. His brother, who wishes to remain anonymous, has said that the more famous one kept 43 squirrels under his bed for luck.

These Squirrels each had individual names ranging from Sean, to Jenny, to Bob, to Mohammed. When they went to hibernate at winter, however, they got extremely vicious towards the people who came into the room, including Heaney, and eventually they were slaughtered with a chainsaw after a bloody battle at Tara's hill.

Seamus apparently also had a goldfish, named Josh, who got killed when his son decided that it looked thirsty and decided to give it a drink of bleach, the same bleach that was used on the bathroom toilet where Heaney's granddad took his first crap after 4 weeks of constipation, where the doctor him tablet to help stool movement.

This Doctor was a cheery black man from Derry and was the individual on which the Simpson's Character, "Dr. Hibbert" was modelled. Ironically this man was also called Simpson and had a cousin Louis who was a politician, and he funded a gun-running saga in Nigeria where he convinced a local tribe to take over a Lagos post office and biscuit factory to try and replicate the 1916 Easter rising in Dublin, an event for which the song "Foggy Dew" was written by Peadar Kearney, whose uncle was a Romanian meerkat owner by the name of Lubomir Charkovska, who once had a meerkat escape into the Irish countryside.

During his search for the meerkat, he took a branch from the ground in a field to scratch himself with. he then threw this into a flax dam, the very one Heaney wrote about in his poem "Death of a Naturalist".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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