Woolworths Sales Assistant Stripped Naked By Frenzied Bargain-Hunting Shoppers

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 27 December 2008

image for Woolworths Sales Assistant Stripped Naked By Frenzied Bargain-Hunting Shoppers
Timmy after his ordeal

As the curtain finally came down on 99 years of trading at Woolworths, police had to be called to a store in London, when one of the Woolies sales assistants became the target for a group of frenzied bargain-hunters who chased him around the store and ripped off his uniform as a memento.

Timmy Tattle, 16, who only works on Saturdays at the Portobello Road branch in Notting Hill, was tidying up after some of the loutish customers had left one of his aisles in a state. Stock was all over the floor, and Tattle made the mistake of casting a cursory disapproving glance in the direction of a group of horny female shoppers, who decided upon one last 'trolley dash', as they set off in hot pursuit of little Timmy, who ran for his life.

The chase lasted several minutes crashing through several departments including Stationery, Music and Toys before Timmy was finally caught in amongst Homewares, where the lad was stripped naked, and his trousers hoisted atop a sweeping brush and paraded around the shop by the triumphant hags.

Interviewed later by police, Timmy said:

"Me mum told me I couldn't do a paper-round because it was too dangerous!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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