Dubai, sunset. - Much fanfare here in Dubai at the Filthy Rich To The Extent That It Borders On Obscenity Hotel, Dubai, at sunset.
UK shaving technology giants Jimmy Wilkinson's unveiled their much heralded 58 blade miracle item of high tech shaving technology. At sunset. Here in Dubai.
'This is amazing,' wept Simon Simple, a buyer for one of those crap advertising supplements that they stuff in the Sunday papers full of crap that nobody could ever want, or indeed find a use for. 'This is a crap advertising supplement buyers dream!'
Simon Simple then promptly collapsed and went into convulsions, overcome with emotion.
'This 58 blade razor is amazing,' said Henry Snood, a tourist from Batley. 'I'm so excited by this that I could crush a grape.'
'Crush A Grape' has been copyrighted by Stu Francis, Crackerjack, and the BBC and is used in this context by the kind permission of Fenella Fielding. Whoever she is.
Snood went on: 'You can shave, right? Which is good. But you can also remove unwanted nasal hair, get stones out of horses hooves, descale fish, cut paper, and slice freshly roasted turkey. All at once! All at the same time! I tell you, I feel like I've died and gone to heaven!'
At which point somebody approached Henry Snood and shot him in the head. With a gun. At sunset. Here in Dubai.Police aware.
More as we get it.
