Teatime TV presenter Paul O'Grady has a sordid past which he wouldn't want his current audience of OAP's and middle aged housewives to know about.
Thanks to a technological breakthrough by our Japanese cousins, we are able to successfully translate the various woofings and ruffings of Buster the mainly silent dog into the Queen's (Gawd Bless Her, She Does A Wonderful Job) English.
The revelations were shocking.
This placid, quite witty individual, staple of teatime TV hides an extremely sordid past.
It has been revealed that O'Grady, real name Paul o'Grady used to be a tranny who called himself Lily.
Lily, as he called himself would go into pubs and clubs in Liverpool in full drag and even make a joke of it.
'Never get on your knees for less than forty quid,' he once allegedly said.
It seems that Lily was so outrageous at times that 'she' was even invited to make appearances on This Morning with the legendary Richard and Judy and Fred the weatherman who would leap about on a floating map of Britain daily.
In the Albert Dock.
Several eye witnesses reported that O'Grady, or Lily Savage as he was then known, quite often got bladdered on live TV, especially when items in the show featured strong drink.
Paul O'Grady was last seen kicking Buster up the arse when he'd found out about this article.
More as we get it.
