Titanic survivor auctions herself off

Written by Zoltan Peppa

Thursday, 16 October 2008

image for Titanic survivor auctions herself off
Lilly Bean hoping to get her pipes cleaned

The only remaining relic of the Titanic surviving, today announced she was to auction herself off.

96 year old Lilly Bean who is bed ridden with a gammy leg said today, 'I'm in desperate need to get my pipes cleaned out, but the state of The NHS, I want to go private'.

'I had a rummage through my draws to see if I could find something to bung on eBay, and found nothing worth bothing with' the old codger said.

'In all my 96 years, all I had to my name was a few letters from my mother telling me that my father had run off with a Royal Navy Captain and a couple of pictures of Southampton Harbour with a few old tubs in the background'.

Southerby's auctioneers who will be selling Ms Bean said today that they hoped there would be great interest in this unusual lot. It was rumoured that the Tennessee Corps Farm had left an undisclosed bid on the books.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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