Republican Voters Jumping Ship as Titanic Sinks

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 10 October 2006

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Like the sinking of the Titanic, thousands of traditional Republican voters are "jumping ship."
And George Bush and his team of spinmeisters, have been unable to throw Republican politicians a liferaft, because there are already too many holes in their own hull.

Recent polls show that 24% of conservatives plan to vote for Democrats in the next election. Other polls show a 21% drop in support for Republican candidates among evangelical Christians.

A special polling group of "married moms", had favored the Republicans by a wide margin in the past 2 elections. However, polls show that the GOP lead has now evaporated. Many of them have placed bumper stickers on their cars that say "Pedophilia is not a Family Value".

Harvard professor of political science, Barney Hampton, tried to explain the mass disaffection by Republican voters: "The thin veneer of GOP self-righteousness has crumbled. The failure of Republican leaders to deal with the Foley sex scandal, even after it is abundantly clear that they knew about it, let voters realize that these politicians could care less about the social values of the Christian community, that helped them get elected."

"Following the GOP sweep of Congress, in 1994, the Republican's controlled both Houses of Congress and the White House." professor Hampton remarked. " They could have enacted the entire platform of Newt Gingrich's 'Contract With America'. Instead, after getting into office, they promptly forgot the whole thing. They were just using popular sentiment so they could get into power, and take control of the public coffers for personal use."

"Republicans in Congress have been using insipid and mindless flag-waving, and shouting about fighting terrorism, as an excuse to fund massive pork-barrel spending for expensive weapons systems which couldn't possibly be used effectively to fight terrorists…lone individuals, and stealth networks who sneak quietly through the crowded streets of Baghdad, and plant bombs in subways."

A recent poll showed that 58% of Americans believe that Bush purposely misled the public about evidence of WMD in order to build support for war. "Americans are waking up 'the morning after' and realizing that we have been screwed" Hampton added.

"As the Republican Party implodes, under allegations of mismanagement of the Foley Sex Scandal, every man is for himself. Different factions of the Republican Party are turning on each other." Professor Hampton added, "The only thing they have in common is the worship of self-centered greed. And greedy people tend to despise each other. The impending meltdown in the GOP has many worried that it may turn out to be more bloody than the civil war in Iraq."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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