Peter Mandelson is to take an intensive course in filling in Mortgage Application Forms before taking charge of Britain's economic crisis, a Westminster Aid revealed today.
Mandelson was formerly employed as the Child Catcher in Vulgaria before being unceremoniously expelled by an uncompromising Dick Van Dyke and was forced to leave without so much as a 'Chitty' let alone a 'Bang Bang'.
A government spokesman said they were confident Mandelson would be able to provide a solution to the economic woes in Britain and even on a Global scale as soon as he has learned a few basic Numeracy skills.
Mandlson has recently been elevated to the Upper House where he will be known as GayLord.
