Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 28 August 2008

image for Happy Britain Rejoices In Happiness!

British people are the happiest folks in the world, according to a report, with Powys in Wales, and Manchester at the top of the list of Britain's Happiest Places.

Information from the British Household Panel Survey suggests that Britain fares better than countries such as Denmark, Luxembourg, Hawaii, the Maldives and France, which is understandable.

Results of the report, which can be seen at Annexe A below (*), show that, despite the public's perception, "a vast majority" of people are happy, and are satisfied with their lot, claims Dr Dimitris Ballacs.

Those results may come as a surprise to many living in Britain, as seemingly most of the people you encounter would rob, assault or kill you.

"Yes," says Dr Ballacs, "but they'd happily kill you!"

We interviewed several people in the happiest places to determine for ourselves if the results were accurate. Danny Krimm, unemployed, of Manchester, said:

"Oh yeah, I'm 'apper or-ite! I mek moredan fifteen fousand quid a munf from powder, pills an' prozzies! Arm sor-id, mate!"

Another, mother-of-7, Carol Grimshaw, 26, said:

"Arm 'apper! Never worked, never will. Goin' to Lloret in October, mate!"

Ronald Snatchett, 41, of Levenshulme in Manchester, laughed:

"I'm unemployed, and never 'ave to get outta bed! Guvment still pays me JSA though!"

Finally, Powys pensioner Owen Owens, owed more than £135,000 in debts to credit card companies, but successfully filed for bankruptcy. He said:

"Ooooh, it really was a load off my mind. Now, I couldn't be happier!"


Britain's Happiest Towns (percentages of happy people per head of population)

1. Powys .................... 2.4%
2. Manchester ............... 2.1%
3. West Lothian ............. 1.9%

270. Amber Valley & somewhere.. 0.26%
271. Cynon Valley & Rhondda ... 0.21%
272. Edinburgh ................ 0.03%

NB Figures for Bridgend not available

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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