The new Ministry of Paperworks, MOPS, was launched at a glittering ceremony in Whitehall where journalists had to fill in credit references, criminal record checks and health and safety records, in tripiclate, and with three forms of ID, one photographic, and one a utility bill, prior to being admitted.
The event was attended by new Secretary of State for Paperwork, Ruth Kelly, appointed by the Prime Minsiter on the basis of her being completely useless at anything else.
She said:
"This is truly great for Great Britain. With so much paperwork for everything we do, the Prime Minister, I believe he's a chap by the name of Graham Brown or something, who lives in a bungalow in, I think, Dowling Street, somewhere in the city, felt it was not only vital to bring this area under control, but to ensure I was given something to do well out of harm's way."
The new Ministry will be located in three rented rooms above Ryman's on Tottenham Court Road, closed half-day Thursdays.
Ministers of State were also announced at the launch. Former Mayor of London, Ken Livingstone, was appointed Minister for Paper Clips, to ensure the Ministry's paperwork is held together in an environmentally friendly manner.
Lord Ken Dodd of Knotty Ash has been specially appointed to assume responsibility as auditor, while Dennis Skinner, the former Beast of Bolsover, has been appointed Minister for Sarcasm.
