Written by matwil

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

image for Lyrical Terrorist William Shakespeare Wins Appeal
The Old Bailey court in London

A former cottager in Avon, William Shakespeare, today won his appeal against a 9 month prison sentence, for writing iffy poems likely to make Lord Chief Justices burst into tears.

Mr Shakespeare, the 'lyrical terrorist', had been accused of writing poems and plays that criticised Britain and France, and even Italy, and naturally the authorities had no choice but to arrest him, and to call him a threat to humanity.

The Lord High Executionerofmuslims, Lord Blouse, said: 'There was a very real danger the jury might laugh at this nonsense, and throw paper darts at me, so I had to make up an excuse to dismiss the case.' And the Home Secretary, whoever that is now, added: 'Look, writing stuff that criticises this country is not allowed, nein, niet, and the book burning starts at noon.'

Some have suggested that this case represents a pathetic persecution of harmless people with strong moral and religious beliefs, but others disagreed. Speaking from his garden shed in Essex, pensioner Thomas Smith said: 'If you tolerate this, then it's your children who'll be next. Soon they'll be taking people to court for opposing the Nazis. Luckily the British can only be pushed so far, good on yer, Mister Shakespeare!'

And Shakespeare himself, speaking at his celebratory meal at the Taj Mahal restaurant in London, said: 'I'm going to turn this into another one of my comedies, you couldn't make it up! Though for love interest I'll need a heroine - think I'll call her Samina Malik, that sounds like a good name, she can be dark and exotic, but an innocent victim of the powers-that-be. Another poppadum?'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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