Displays of public affection in London could soon be outlawed and deemed illegal if new Mayor, Boris Johnson has his way.
Johnson, as regular TheSpoof.com readers will be aware, is planning to ban not only alcohol on public transport within the capital, but mobile phones, i-pods and group masturbation.
'Mop Top' Boris has become increasingly frustrated with those Londoners who show too much public affection in this, his glorious city.
These love struck couples who kiss in public, giggling and whispering sweet nothings could soon find themselves with a £50 fixed penalty, whilst holding hands will soon warrant a fine of £25.
Any form of 'embrace' will result in a £15 on the spot fine.
Two Londoners who are already 'paying the price' are Pete Harris and Kathy Edmonds of West Hampstead who kissed and embraced when Pete proposed to her in Hyde Parke on Sunday.
Kathy, a Graphic Designer said 'After a lovely picnic, Pete got down on one knee and proposed. It was so romantic and I burst into tears saying yes, then we kissed. Everyone in the park cheered and applauded'.
The cheers turned to jeers however, when a member of Johnson's team issued a fixed fine. An angry Kathy said that 'she was furious and I told him where he could stick his fine'.
Another London couple in trouble is Gavin and Louise from Totteridge who got married at Marylebone Registry Office. When Gavin was told that they were now man and wife and he may kiss the bride, he was immediately given a fixed penalty. Gavin said 'Louise and her Mother burst into tears and my best man had to be physically restrained. We are furious about this but what can you do?'
One unnamed couple from Stratford who were caught having sex in an alleyway have been told that as a result of their 'al fresco' shenanigans they are likely to face the death penalty.
Johnson was unavailable for comment.
