Revealed: Gordon Brown is a Cylon on Prozac

Written by Clifford Rutley

Friday, 25 April 2008

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Cylon

We are all enjoying the final series of the new version of Battlestar Galactica on Sky One. But one question that we might have to wait until the final episode to find the answer to is the question about who the final human, looking like, Cylon model is.

Questions and rumours have been flying around on the sci-fi message boards and blogs. Everyone from the (almost too obvious) Starbuck and Gaius Baltar, to President Roslin and Admiral Adama has been suggested. However, a leek from the studios has revealed a very different end to the series.

The scrip, which we received a copy of, shows the human fleet finally reaching earth and finding humanity in a crazy war against a fictional, none existent, terror group called Al-Qaeda and fighting something called Man Made Global Warming, which Galatica's advanced weather monitoring scanners can find absolutely no real evidence of. In fact, their instruments say that the planet is actually cooling because its mother star (called the sun by the earthlings) is actually moving into a lower sun spot cycle. Then they receive a public transmission about the leader of a small island in Earth's northern hemisphere, a leader called Gordon Brown.

According to the transmission, Gordon has acted in a very machine like fashion recently. It all seems as though he has been brain washed by some outdated version of how society works. This has caused his software to backfire when it was faced with this reality, causing teachers to strike, banks to collapse and budgets to fall apart. In reaction to this, the Cylon Gordon Brown is rumoured to have started taking Prozac in order to relieve the depression that was caused as a side effect of these errors in his software.

The crew of Galatica only finally find out that Gordon is the final Cylon when another one of the 'Gordon' models is found aboard the Rising Star pleasure space ship. The other Gordon is well known on the Rising Star as a worshiper of some strange political system called Communism, which the fleet now recognises as a system that was once developed on Earth and was destined to fail. But this does reveal where he got the inspiration from, he got it from his Gordon copy on Earth.

We'd like to say what happens after that, but that wouldn't be nice of us as we've already spoilt enough of the rest of the series for you.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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