Dithering Prime Minister Gordon "Which Way The Wind Blows" Brown has decided that he will definitely not, cross-his-heart-and-hope-to-die attend the Beijing It's A Knockout opening ceremony in August.
Instead, It's A Knockout minister Tessa Jowell will play Gordon in the upcoming Bash-A-Tibetan extravaganza, due to show just how much fun the Chinese authorities can be.
However, Downing Street says the PM might take part in some of the games, disguised in a Chinese police uniform and carrying a truncheon, with which he will playfully thwack Tibetan monks over the head.
"Mr Brown wants to show that he too can be fun," said a Downing Street spokeswoman. "That's why he's prepared to join the Chinese team against the Tibbies, as we like to call the Tibetan Monk team. And of course, being on the Chinese team won't do our economic relationship any harm."
Asked whether she thought the games would be a little one-sided, the spokeswoman replied, "Not at all. Those Tibbies might look all sweetness and light, but take away their human rights, and they're up for a good scrap. Lots of fun guaranteed!"
Downing Street also said that Mr Brown will definitely probably be attending the closing ceremony unless something happens to change his mind.
