A chest infection was today said to be relieved to have shaken off ancient unpopular octogenarian Prince Philip. The chest infection was gripped by Prince Philip three days ago and has only been able to loosen his liver-spotted grasp after an intense course of antibiotics.
The chest infection had hoped to make several unpaid appearances at old folks homes across the capital over the last week, but had to cancel after Prince Philip inhaled him during a wet polo match 2 weeks ago. He finally coughed up the exhausted infection last night and agreed to release him in a binding privacy deal.
"Thank God," the infection rasped last night, "being stuck in that rattly old gits rib cage for the past week has been the worst experience of my short life." The chest infection revealed that he had almost escaped onto Carla Brunei's cheek at one stage but she had deftly brushed past the Princes spittle-foamed lips at the last second.
The chest infection now plans to write a tell-all book entitled "A Royal Phlegm -The Way We Coughed It Up" which will contain no secrets whatsoever.
