T5 Torch Trepidation

Funny story written by Gordon Hose

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

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The Olympic torch relay faces its toughest challenge yet as it approaches London and the dreaded Terminal 5 that has recently opened amid chaotic circumstances at Heathrow Airport.

Planning to arrive in London on April 6th (2008) baggage handlers are on high alert to remove the back log of luggage that has built up following the recent software malfunction at London's busiest airport.

The owner of the torch, High Priestess of Mount Olympia - Greece, offered the services of one of her aides to carry on the flame as hand luggage when they leave St Petersburg airport on April 5th.

This idea was blown out by BAA operators as it was clear that the torch would not fit into one of the sealable see through bags that airport security procedure requires.

British Airways boss Willie Walsh showed concern over the situation but remained confident his staff could handle the unusual package "We realise we have got things wrong in the opening of this new terminal and accept that there is no smoke without fire. Our deepest regrets are extended to the families of the lost luggage and we sympathise with their loss. However, as an airline and a nation we must move forward and we are confident that the arrival of the Olympic torch will show we are taking steps in the right direction."

Cynics have commented that the silver lining for this potential calamity will be that the torch will be required in London for the 2012 games so landing at T5 now gives it the best opportunity to be found in time for the games in 4 years time. One unnamed local cynic commented "Blimey Charlie," summing up all of our concerns.

With Beijing organisers attempting to take part of the flame to the highest peak in the world (Mount Qomolangma), using another torch, bright sparks across the globe are left contemplating…which, if either is the easiest journey?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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