Shannon Matthews, the 9-year-old little Yorkshire girl, who went missing three weeks ago after leaving school with a lot of homework, has this afternoon been found alive asleep.
The schoolgirl from Dewsbury was discovered by eagle-eared police making house-to-house enquiries in Batley Carr, about a mile from her home. She was dozing in a divan bed.
Officers from West Yorkshire Police confirmed that it was the missing girl, and said that their sneaky suspicions had been aroused when they had noticed several million huge Zs emerging from the roof of a house in Lidgate Gardens. When they entered the property to investigate, they were "near-deafened" by the sound of snoring.
Sergeant Edward 'Ecky' Thump of West Yorkshire Police told our Spoof reporter:
"It were Shannon all rart! She were 'avin a kip upstairs in t'bed! Little tyke!"
A 39-year-old man was arrested at the scene and taken into custody. Neighbours said that they believed it was a local loner Albert Slumberland. Further reports will no doubt follow.
