Written by Super Sleuth

Monday, 7 January 2008

image for Man prosecuted for selling his own urine

A man was given an ASBO yesterday at Manchester Crown court and also awarded 200 hours of community service for attempting to pass his off own urine as Australian Lager.

Mr Sid Knackerjack, 43, of John Lennon Avenue, Manchester was found guilty of attempting to defraud the public and selling fake alcoholic beverages.

Mr Knackerjack had come up with the scheme whilst in a drunken stupor one day and noticed that his urine which was the colour of Amber, bore a great resemblance to the Amber Nectar advertised on television.

Mr Justice Proctor-Bullshitter presiding remarked wryly and amid much laughter from the gallery, that this was probably because this was a large proportion of its content.

Mr Knackerjack had then raided the local bottle bank and started filling up bottles of a well known Australian Beer with his own urine. He used bottle caps obtained from a home brew shop and started to sell it on EBAY.

Apparently in order to add some authenticity to the drink, he imbibed vast quantities of beer in the process.

His counsel when questioned on how this scheme was meant to make Mr Knackerjack any money, said that it had financed his client's drinking habit.

The fraud only came to light after several months when an annoyed customer discovered that the brew obtained from Knackerjack didn't taste the same as the beer he got from his local off licence. He complained to the trading standards office and Mr Knackerjack was arrested after a police investigation. 500 bottles of fake beer were confiscated and he was charged with fraud.

Counsel said that surprisingly most customers were satisfied with the brew and Mr Knackerjack had a 100% positive EBAY feedback rating.

Counsel representing Mr Knackerjack said that it had been an ill conceived scheme from the start and his client truly regretted his actions. Mr Knackerjack hiccuped in agreement from his seat in the dock.

Justice Proctor said that though he thought this unlikely, he was going to not award a custodial sentence due to the fact that Australian Beer is for the most part like "Gnats Piss" and therefore not far removed from Mr Knackerjack's product.

Knackerjack was further warned never to come before the JP again or to attempt any further such schemes or he would definitely find himself in deep... trouble.

Knackerjack is understood to be celebrating his lucky escape down his local brewery but sticking to bottles of Budweiser.

It is understood that the Australian Association of Brewers and Lager Louts have protested at the judgement.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Beer, Piss

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