Channel 4 To Host General Election - Simon Cowell and Jeremy Clarkson to Judge

Funny story written by Shaun Ferguson

Thursday, 20 December 2007

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In a joint statement with Downing Street Channel 4 have been declared winners of the hotly contested bid to run the next UK General Election.

The event will be staged in a series of eleven prime time TV programmes, similar in format to the ever-popular X-Factor.

Downing Street had voiced concern about the poor turn out for recent local and national elections due to general public apathy about the quality of contestants. In 1990 70% of the electorate braved inclement weather to vote in local elections, while by the last General Election only 14 people went to the polls out of a UK population of more than 60 million, and 6 of those were close associates of Tony Blair.

Candidates will be re-branded "contestants" and will be required to attend auditions at venues being set up throughout the UK. Each will get just 30 seconds to express their policies before being grilled by a panel of judges who will then deliver no-holds-barred character assassinations.

Judges will include hard-nosed Simon Cowell, people's champion Russell Brand and straight talking Jeremy Clarkson.

In the final show the electorate will vote by dialling premium rate phone numbers and the pre-determined outcome will be announced just before the lines close.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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