Branson "Helping Police" in Missing Data Fiasco

Funny story written by Shaun Ferguson

Thursday, 22 November 2007

image for Branson "Helping Police" in Missing Data Fiasco
No Sign of Forced Entry

In a startling new development in Alistair and Margaret Darling's "Find the Data Discs" campaign, entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson has lent his help by donating £1 million pounds to help find the abductors.

Talking to Alistair Darling said the couple would never forgive themselves for leaving the disks unattended while they downed a quick tapas at the Pork and Cheese in Whitehall.

They strenuously deny downing two cases of Dom Rafael Branco 2004 over their meal, a fact disputed by waiter Álvaro Socrates, who claims they had four vodka red bulls each before guzzling 24 bottles of house white.

The Darlings insist they took it in turns to check on the disks every month or so and could not fathom how they were lost the moment their back was turned.

Photos of the missing disks have been circulated all over world and false leads are now pouring in to a hotline set up by Channel 4 at a cost to callers of £6 a minute.

With no obvious signs of a forced entry at the Revenue & Customs office from which the disks went missing, it is looking more and more like an inside job. Suspicion has already been levelled at a Libyan employee who like many Revenue staff is an illegal immigrant with a long record of terrorist offences.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, better known as the "Lying Scotsman" said he was highly relieved the incident occurred after he had left the post of Chancellor. "With the very poor standard of education in this country," he said, "it is no surprise if civil service staff can't even read the rules, let alone stick to them".

Brown said there was no excuse for what he described as a "blatant breach of the Data Protection Act" and promised that his Government would rush out legislation making illegal activity illegal.

The Metropolitan Police have no leads whatsoever and they are appealing to their Portuguese counterparts to lend assistance.

Close to tears, Margaret Darling said she would carry the disk cases with her wherever she goes and would not return to her children until the missing data is found. She then rushed off for a hairdo before her next interview.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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