Jill Dando Knocker Shocker

Funny story written by Daisy Cutter

Sunday, 11 November 2007


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The Jill Dando Memorial Fund (the JDMF) has announced the launch of a new range of door accessories in memory of Miss Dando, to be entitled "Jill's Knockers."

A spokeswoman for the JDMF, Ms Ruth Leslie, gave a press conference from the doorstep of Jill's former home. "We hope that this range will help raise the public's awareness of the danger that is faced by Princess Diana look alike presenters' everyday. This range seems the most fitting way to profit from Jill's tragically short life."

The products in the "Jill's Knockers" range include a selection of designer exterior gloss paints in unique shades such as "arterial red," "prowler anorak khaki," "brain matter beige" and "bullet singed flesh," door knockers which issue gun shots sounds when knocked, and door mats which play a recording of Dando's last words; "for God's sake man, look what you have done to my hair!"

Some Dando fans have objected to the tastelessness of the range stating "it is wrong to profit from Jill's death at a time when maximum money can be made from it, due to its re-emergence in the media." In answer to these concerns, Ruth Leslie replied "we feel that this is the perfect way to send the message that crime does not pay. Profits from door-to-door sales this week indicate a projected profit of £1million pounds for the forthcoming quarter."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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