Cressida Dick Voted 'Most Outrageously Named Copper' Of 2007

Funny story written by Mister Meaner

Friday, 2 November 2007


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de Menezes? Very fishy.

Cressida Dick, the high-ranking policewoman who was left in charge of the dimwits who shot innocent Jean Charles de Menezes through his bonce seven times, has been voted the 'Most Outrageously Named Policeperson' of 2007 by the social commentator known only as Monky Woodes.

Dick (sniggers) was chosen from millions of inappropriately named policemen and women, ahead of the disgraceful, and yet totally expected, decision by a Court to absolve the Metropolitan Force of any responsibility for Mr de Menezes untimely, unnecessary and completely avoidable death.

An ex-Oxford graduate, Dick (sniggers again) was incensed recently when criticised over her handling of the Brazilian's slaughter on the London Tube at Stockwell. The electrician tried in vain to dodge bullets aimed at his head from a distance of 0.05cm by a trained police marksman with a big gun.

Commander Dick (sniggers uncontrollably) claimed that officers acting on her orders were blameless, and that the doctored photofit picture of a terrorist they were trying to kill, was an exact replica of the poor unfortunate Mr de Menezes, who, being a foreign worker, and, therefore ten-a-penny, didn't matter.

She will accept her award for her stupid name at the Secret Policeman's Ball at Scotland Yard in December, if anyone wants to go and throw rotten tomatoes at her.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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