Liberal Party HQ, London - (Abstemious Mess): The Liberals' most electorally successful piss artist for 80 years is staging a comeback after pushing Ming Campbell down a pothole last night.
Charles Kennedy, 47, was forced out as leader in 2006 after a rebellion by House of Commons bartenders.
He'd been the Liberals' top slop since 1999 after winning the annual 1000 yards of ale contest, outdrinking Paddy Pantsdown in a tequila slammer tie-breaker.
He went on to build on that success making impressive inroads into House of Commons Blue Nun stocks while regularly keeping up appearances in dozens of hostelries set up by the all-party Boundary Ommission.
He stepped down in early 2006 after admitting to a drink problem following blanket refusal by House of Commons staff to serve him ever again.
But he is still held in high regard by many publicans and distillers across the country.
What he says about running:
"Hic! Belch! Warrayawannayerfilthybastardscumbags?"
