Smoker's Rebellion: Blackpool Landlord Sentenced

Written by ranger121

Friday, 3 August 2007

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A Blackpool Landlord who persistently allowed his customers to smoke indoors was today sentenced for his crimes.

Hamish Hamilton, 55, was sentenced to 10 years in prison with hard labour for each offence, making a total of 120 years consecutive, with a recommendation that he serve his sentence in a non-smoking prison, and no possibility of parole.

His firm of lawyers, Cutt & Runn, described the sentence as "an outrage" and pledged to fight on for as long as their client's money was available.

"Exactly how magistrates came to this decision is a mystery. We think that a fine might have been the way forward, but clearly there has been some kind of influence here."

ASH, who had urged magistrates to "make an example" of the renegade, were "satisfied" with the verdict. A spokesman said, "This goes to show that ordinary people won't put up with the health hazards from second-hand smoke. There is no excuse for it. We hope that anyone, anywhere in the United kingdom, caught with a cigarette near any building at all, will be locked up for good. It's the only answer."

The Council, which brought the charges, has closed and demolished the pub, and declared a 4 mile exclusion area around the street as a biohazard.

A Council worker near the site, still wearing a full biohazard suit, said, "At least the property has been made safe, and the hazardous cigarette ends have been safely disposed of. The chemicals from the smoke are expected to disperse over the next 15 to 20 years, after which the site will be landscaped and should be safe to build on after 40 years."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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