Police Shoot Two Dead In Bungled Bank Robbery

Written by Mister Meaner

Thursday, 13 September 2007

image for Police Shoot Two Dead In Bungled Bank Robbery
Take aim. Fire indiscriminately!

Two men were shot dead in Hampshire this morning after they bungled a bank raid, and were the victims of a 'shooting gallery-style' onslaught by police, who killed them to pieces.

The men, both believed to be bank robbers, had targeted a security van outside the HSBC branch in Chandlers Ford, which sounds quaint, but isn't.

The victims are thought to have died from gunshot wounds, judging by the size of the holes in their heads.

According to an eye witness, 'Miss Juliet', "officers sprang from unmarked police vehicles and began discharging their weapons with zeal".

Apart from the two robbers, a telegraph pole and a stray dog were also hit. Neither survived.

When Miss Juliet was asked how she knew the unmarked police vehicle was an unmarked police vehicle, she said:


When she was further asked how she thought the police had arrived on the scene so quickly, she replied:


A customer at Mann & Co Estate Agents, just yards from where the heinous act took place, told how he saw police officers running out of some public toilets with their belts undone just before the shooting started.

Police Inspector Albert Grimley of Chandlers Ford Constabulary, said:

"These were nasty men who needed shooting. The officers in the toilets were 'on manoeuvres', and are not involved in the murders of the robbers."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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