Smokers rebellion: Blackpool Council ratchet up the charges on Hamish

Funny story written by ranger121

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

image for Smokers rebellion: Blackpool Council ratchet up the charges on Hamish
Hamish has a message for Blackpool Magistrates

Well known smoker's rebel Hamish Hamilton was today charged with a further 500 offenses of allowing smoking to take place in his Blackpool pub.

This brings the total to 873 charges, and could mean fines of £17.4 million to be levied.

Blackpool councillors were rubbing their hands in glee, and briefing magistrates to get the man convicted as soon as possible.

A spokesman said, "Of course, we expect that Mr Hamilton will get a very fair trail, and be convicted and fined as soon as possible. He's as guilty as sin, and we'll look forward to spending the £17.4 million on useful projects within the town."

According to Blackpool City Council, there have been applications from the large gay community for some accessible foot spas in the town square, and supplying donkeys with nappies to prevent accidents on the beach. Projections indicate this will easily come to £15 million, not including the Council's general expenses.

Mr Hamilton has said that he'll go to prison before he'll pay up, of course, and it doesn't look as though he has £17.4 million floating around in the pub safe anyway.

Speaking from his sickbed, he said , "It's obviously a witch-hunt. If the Council think they can get £17.4 million out of me, they're welcome to try. Nobody smokes in my pub with my permission, it just happens. **** 'em."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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