Tel Aviv - (Armageddon Press): Former UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has flown from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia to Tel Aviv in an effort to drum up support for a masive new BAE-style £30 billion arms deal that will kit out the Vatican with the latest hardware.
Blair is on a fixed 1% commision after clearing the bakhsheesh arrangements with Saudi's Prince Bandar, the usual Mr Percentage Rake-off for BAE foreign business arrangements.
At a press conference this mornig Blair outlined his vision for enduring peace in the region "which is entirely achievable if we arm all the major religions in the correct ratios":
"I have come to the conclusion that the Pope is a good man who can be trusted with a few Trident submarines," Blair told the press.
"The package I'm proposing may sound pretty steep.
"But frankly what else should his Holiness be spending £30 billion on anyway?
"A unique sub-prime drawdown solution from our good friends at the Federal Reserve means that the necesary loan can be offered at rock-bottom rates.
"Wherever else can His Hilones secure a better deal than that today?"