Shocking New Circular Argument Against Wi-Fi Killer Rays

Funny story written by Rodders

Saturday, 1 September 2007

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A shocking new theory concerning how wireless signals cause damage to people emerged today. Alastair Phillips, chairman of Powerwatch (an organisation dedicated to safeguarding our children from cancer-causing rays) unveiled his discovery during an interview for BBC News 24.

Host Huw Edwards struck at Phillips by mentioning 34 previous experiments that showed no link between wireless signals and electrosensitivity, Phillips's discredited methods of measurement, as well as the conflict of interest arising from Powerwatch selling wi-fi blocking equipment. After a few seconds of silence, Phillips responded, "Yeah, but it's just GOT to have an effect hasn't it! If you think about it, you know, really think about it, all those phone masts and wi-fi transmitters everywhere, beaming out stuff all day long... it's just got to have an effect hasn't it!"

Edwards, visibly shaken by the keenly argued rebuttal, quickly cut the interview short and motioned for Phillips to be removed from the studio, who protested he was being censored for speaking the truth.

Even the most vocal critics of Phillips have been stunned into silence by his latest argument. Notably silent is Ben Goldacre, a doctor and journalist who has led much criticism of the electrosensitive lobby. When we contacted Goldacre he responded briefly, saying, "I'm still analysing these new claims for any inconsistencies or flaws. If I can find any, I will release them in due time. Science rules!"

It seems Phillips's new claims have brought a whole new level of complexity to the debate.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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