Flyford Flavell, Worcs - (MadAss Press): "We were just sitting down having a nice cuppa, watching the six o'clock news about all that foot and mouth palaver," 68 year old Mrs Meriel Nutkins said today from her basement flat in the picturesque Worcestershire village of Flyford Flavell, "when wham! Bang! Wallop!
"Who should come crashing down through our living room ceiling than that nice Lord Walker - Mrs Thatcher's Agriculture Minister!
"Well! I ask you."
Mrs Nutkins was speaking to TV reporters about the day when former UK Cabinet Minister Peter Walker dropped in unannounced upon the Nutkins family after crashing his grace and favor Roller into the ground floor of the family's maisonette and plummetting twelve feet below into their living room.
"It not every day that this sort of thing happens," Harold Nutkins added nervously before admitting that as soon as they recognised their unexpected guest his wife Meriel took immediate control of the situation and said politely:
"Would you like a cup of tea Lord Walker?
"I'm afraid it's only Monkey Bags but I've just brewed a fresh pot so there's plenty enough for an extra cuppa."
Harry Nutkins then said that Lord Walker apologised profusely, explaining that the accelerator on his motor must have jammed before the car spun out of control and plunged headlong into the couple's ground-floor accommodation before crashing through the floorboards straight down into their lounge.
Lord Walker once served in Margaret Thatcher's Cabinet as Agriculture Minister as well as Energy Minister and Welsh Secretary.
His foray into the Nutkins' family residence caused an estimated £80,000 of collateral damage to the property and resulted in the total write-off of his House of Lords limo, worth an estimated one hundred grand.
The crash demolished the entire ground floor of the maisonette, wrecked furniture inside the living room and caused 'untold damage' to the retired couple's budgerigar Tyson "who has had to undergo intensive traumatic stress disorder therapy" for the last six months after his beak and all his feathers fell off as a result of the shock suffered.
Village eyewitness PC Dobermann-Pincher said today: "This is normally such a quiet, law-abiding village with very few drunks, perverts, nutters and so forth.
"But due to the serious nature of the Nutkins residence incident a peer ot the realm was breathalysed and drug tested according to the law and a report filed with the CPS."
Fire crews were called initially but had to withdraw because the house eventually collapsed in a heap of rubble, shortly after the Nutkins family was evacuated along with their pet.
Lord Walker was MP for Worcewster for 31 years before being booted up into the Lords.
