Parents Buying Guns for Kids

Funny story written by hammersfan

Sunday, 26 August 2007

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Incredible statistics revealed today that 98% of teenage British boys currently own, or have owned, a gun and 95% claim to have killed somebody. The survey reveals the horrifying extent of gun crime in Britain today.

Tristram, a thirteen year old from Ascot said: "All my friends have owned a gun at some point. My daddy bought me a pistol and a Winchester rifle once for Christmas. They were my best Christmas presents ever!"

Darren, 14 from Liverpool said: "I haven't got a Dad; least not one I know about like, but I have had lots of guns. You just find the rich kids and put them in an arm lock until they give you theirs."

The survey revealed that MOST parents in Britain buy guns for their children, sometimes from as young as five years old. Mirriam, a social worker from Esher in Surey said: "I was horrified when my good friend Jocasta bought a gun for her six year old son. I was even more horrified when he shot my life partner Charlie when she walked through the door."

It seems that children pressurise their parents into supplying them with guns. "What can you do?" asked Rachel from Bagshot. "I wanted Tobias to have a doll to avoid sexual stereotyping but he begged, mummy, mummy, mummy can I please have a gun? All his friends had one so what could I do? As he said, if I left him unarmed, how could he fight back if attacked?"

The weapons range from hand guns to automatic rifles and even machine guns. One shocked parent from Milford who asked not to be identified for fear of reprisals said: "My neighbour's son runs around the close kitted out like Rambo. And he's not the only one. Have these parents no sense of responsibility? Don't they know what happened in Hungerford?"

One school, Esher Church of England High, is launching a gun amnesty initiative. Head teacher Simon Morris said: "We are asking all our students to hand in their guns on their way into assembly. Somebody has to take a lead in this. The situation is intolerable. Our school rules are very clear in this area, we are a gun free zone."

A source close to the government said: "These figures come as no surprise to us. All we can do is appeal to parents NOT to give in to their children's demands for guns." David Cameron, leader of the opposition claimed: "This just shows how fractured our society has become under Labour. Single parent families are probably to blame along with the teachers, a shortage of bobbies on the beat and EU regulations permitting the sale of guns in Britain."

The survey, conducted by Toys R Us, is a stark warning of the dangers out there on Britain's streets. How can we allow this to continue?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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