National Lottery As Hard To Win As Ever

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

image for National Lottery As Hard To Win As Ever
Match three numbers to win a tenner!

A survey commissioned by the sister company of gambling facilitator Camelot, has revealed that the National Lottery is as hard to win as ever, and that many people "don't even get their money back".

Loselot executives say in the report that the chances of scooping the jackpot in the main Lotto draw remain in the region of 14million-to-one, and it was for this reason alone, that they subsequently introduced more chances to lose through tacky colourful Scratchcard games.

To date, there have been 1216 Lotto draws, producing 780 millionaires, which, in the 13 years it has been running, isn't very many.

Tens of thousands of Lottery hopefuls have religiously staked their bets - bets they could ill-afford - in the vain hope that they might somehow get lucky and match three or more numbers.

Sharon Hardup of Hull said:

"I'm a one-parent family with four kids and a dog, but I like to treat 'em to a Lottery ticket each on both Wednesdays and Saturdays. I've been doing it for nine years now. We've won a couple of tenners, that's all, but the kids love it - all them coloured balls an' that!"

Others tell a similar story. In Bristol, Jonah Badluck told how he twice had to cancel Christmas for his kids, and then sell his wife so that the family's lottery addiction could continue.

"It was hard at first," he said, "but after we mastered the cooking and the ironing, it wasn't so bad. We still see her at the dole office sometimes. I wouldn't change anything though. Remember, you've got to be in it to win it!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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