Celebrity diabetic Anthony Worrall Thompson has claimed that the plastic surgery he believed would improve his life has not gone quite as he had planned.
Speaking with a mouthful of low GI quiche Thompson said: "My wife and I had been talking about this for some time. As you know she is a real looker and to be honest I felt a bit of a twat going out with her. It looked as if she was a care worker taking me out for the day. So I decided to answer an advert in the local paper."
He continued, " When I arrived at Dr Answah's surgery he gave me a catalogue of different faces and asked who my favoured choice would be. I remember asking for a number 24, David Bowie as my wife Jay had always had a crush on him. In what I thought was a wonderful gesture at the time the anaesthetist played "The laughing Gnome" as I went under. Little did I know I'd look like one of the fuckers when I came round."
Dr Answah was unavailable for comment but his secretary did inform us that if we wanted a "Jonathan Ross" he could do one at half price if we came in on Tuesday.
