Social scientists have warned Manchester United stars past and present to stop making appeals for missing children, as they have been found to have negative consequences.
The study was undertaken by eminent criminal psychologist Dr Robert Houghton of Glasgow University. His team found that in 98% of child abduction cases where Manchester United players made televised appeals for information, the child subsequently turned up deceased.
"We saw what happened when the entire United team made an appeal for Holly and Jessica, and i'm pretty sure Denis Law came up with some sort of song when the victims of the Moors Murderers first went missing. The general public still despises Manchester United so any appeal led by their players will naturally always end up tragically"
Manchester United's Portuguese winger Cristiano Ronaldo recently made an appeal for information regarding the whereabouts of Madeleine McCann. Upon hearing this Cristiano Ronaldo was unavailable for comment, Mr and Mrs McCann were understandably distressed and gave this statement;