There were gasps of shock all round as Gordon Brown announced he would be standing for the Labour leadership contest
One unnamed Cabinet minister said "I know that everyone has been talking about it for over a year, the media, politicians, the public. But everyone in the Cabinet thought they were joking."
The news was more of a shock to some than to others. Window cleaner Mick Glass told us that he had been listening to the Today Programme on Radio 4 when he heard the news. "I was so surprised that I fell off my ladder and bumped my head. I'm thinking of suing Gordon Brown."
Even Tony Blair is reported to have said "If I'd known he wanted my job, I would never have stood down. I'm striking him off my Christmas card list. The rotten bastard."
Meanwhile, a number of Labour backbench MPs have been admitted to hospital with Mr. Brown for an operation to remove their tongues from his backside. A passing surgeon was heard to say "Mmm, new kidneys."
