Tehran Hilton - (Ass Mess): Leading Seawoman Faye Turney has defied her fundamentalist Iranian captors and demanded shampoo as an alternative to wearing a dodgy black scarf to hide her greasy tresses.
Turney, 24, has been seen on Iranian TV swathed from head to foot in dark foreign garb and unable to wear her Royal Navy-issue official headgear.
"I can understand that when this religious fashion first became popular women wanted to hide their hair rather than smear it with the ubiquitous camel dung unguents that were all you could get on the shampoo counters," Turney complained.
"But we're in the 21st century now and washing's so easy it's a wonder these old-fashioned customs persist.
"You can't BELIEVE the amount of scratching involved! And in this heat it's a recipie for rampant tropical dandruff.
"My husband would go potty if I stopped washing my hair and wore a scarf to hide the mess. I call this bonkers!"
But her captors are unrepentant and insist the sight of Turney's hair is so offensive to Iranian male sensibilities that it could trigger a fatwa "against all Western harlots and their decadent filth."
The hostaqge stand-off continues.