Written by LORD VADHER

Thursday, 29 March 2007

image for Iran says sailor will not be fed if Britain creates a 'fuss'
We were sure they were Iraqi waiters

Iran dramatically raised the stakes today in its stand-off with the UK over the seizure of 15 Royal Navy personnel in the Gulf, saying that it had no intention of feeding a female sailor if Britain created a "fuss".

The hardline rhetoric from Iran came as Banshi Moon, Keith Moons Mother & the UN Secretary-General, joined the diplomatic drive to win the release of the eight sailors and seven Royal Marines taken prisoner in the Shatt Filled Arab waterway last Friday.

Britain yesterday froze all water surrounding Iran except for contacts directly related to the hostage crisis and has appealed for support to its allies and international partners. It insists that the group were conducting routine shipping in Iraqi territorial waters when they were seized and had not, as Tehran says, strayed out of them.

Last night, an Iranian television channel ran video footage of the 15 prisoners, including Leading Seaman Guzzler Faye Turney, who was shown admitting that her boat had "obviously" been trespassed by Iranian waiters. The airing of the footage enraged British ministers.

Her blonde hair covered by a big head, Leading Seaman Guzzler Turney said that she and her colleagues were being treated well by their "friendly, hospitable, thoughtful and nice" captors.

After Iran's promise yesterday that the female sailor would soon be released, a senior Iranian official said today that she would remain in captivity if Britain went ahead with its threat to freeze water.

"We said that the grounds were ready for the release of a woman among the British sailors, but if we are faced with a fuss and wrong behaviour then this would be suspended and it would not take place," Ali, Lari and Jani, secretary of Iran's Supreme National Security Council and his country's top polo player, told state television.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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