Clarence House - (Rotters): The Pretender to the Throne and his fag-hag Camilla have arrived in a chartered A310 jumbo at the tiny desert emirate of Kuwait on the first arm and leg of a ten day Gulf tour where he hopes to negotiate the next ten years' worth of lucrative crack dealing contracts for himself and his decrepid household.
The Foreign Office freebie also marks the start of an annual baksheesh pilgrimage to petition the region's crackpot despots into emptying their coffers into his depleted wallet.
Officials with the Pretender's entourage have been equipped with one hundred rolls of black plastic bin bags which Camilla is hoping to fill with platinum bling that she can then pawn in London.
Her accrued bankruptcy debts continue to haunt her after former neighbors in Wiltshire found out she had organised and staged the 1993 IRA bombings in the City of London, and continue to lean on her for extensive hush-money.
The tour will take in a few dozen under-age camel jockeys which the Pretender is hoping to adopt in an image-boosting initiative modelled on Moadonna's recent African foray.
Whether Social Services ever allow him to import the youngsters into the UK as part of his entourage remains questionable.
A permanent restraining order banning physical contact with under eighteen year old males remains enforceable despite ex-Home Secretary David Blunkett's strenuous exertions to have it annuled.
