Kabuki theatre production had unexpected ending

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Friday, 22 May 2020

image for Kabuki theatre production had unexpected ending
Actors in Kabuki theatre always have white faces

The village of Chaffinch St Cock is hardly known for its theatre - its most famous actor is Algernon Wonk, the man whose legs can be seen walking with sheep in the opening credits of Emmerdale. He unfortunately died in a bizarre self-asphyxiation accident, after the pressures of fame, unlike his blood pressure at the time, went to his head.

Geoff Thesp, 47, director of local theatre, The Cock Pit, was recently arrested after an amateur dramatic production breached decency laws. It led two audience members to faint, and another one to choke on a substance propelled from the stage.

Thesp had intended to put on a play based on traditional Japanese Kabuki theatre, as a request from a local theatre-goer. However, he appears to have misunderstood the request, and wrote a script about something else entirely.

The climactic final scene featured several men ejaculating over the face of a woman - played by Thesp's wife - who gargled and squirmed throughout.

Said one seed-soaked audience member, "I'm not sure that's what Kabuki is."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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