Fitful News from the British Theatre

Funny story written by Trinculoman

Thursday, 23 January 2014

A bizarre incident was reported at the recent revival of a classic modern drama at the Royal Tarte Theatre in the West End.

Actor Dirk Dishwipe complained in agony, "I was locked in the loo at the storied Royal Tarte!"

According to Dishwipe, he had been preparing for his entry onto the stage and "was just stopping in for a bit of a whiz, y'know," when the door was slammed shut and barricaded by an unknown party.

Dishwipe, an aspiring thespian in his London debut, had been cast in the eponymous role of "O, Where are You, M. Godot?" and was eagerly anticipating his cue when the unlikely lav incarceration occurred.

As fate would have it, Dirk missed his entrance, and the play apparently went on without him. So much the worse for Dirk's career, though, because resident director Milos Stuge-Frauw remarked: "Vell, all's vell dat does end vell, so to speak, und I saw dat der play vorks much better vithout Dirk actually coming on der stage."

His intense protestations notwithstanding, thus ended the prospect of Dishwipe's debut in the Royal Tarte.

The latest update has Dishwipe on the trail of a mysterious, wild-haired Irishman who was seen backstage occasionally mumbling in French at the time of Dishwipe's loo imprisonment. Yet, spotted by Ben ("Doggy") Berry, a long-time fixture behind the scenes at Tarte, the Irishman allegedly shouted in response to Dishwipe's protestations: "Over mee daid arse, boiyo!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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